A lot of the travel advice I see out there for babies and toddlers is the equivalent of “just do it!” And I’m here for that. I’m not sure if your social media is like mine, though, where I get to see babies taking bottles at five-star resorts in the Maldives or toddlers wandering around the Louvre. Could you do it? Sure. Do you *want* to though? Doubtful.
Most of the time I’m doomscrolling videos that make me turn to my partner and say, “See! It’s easy!” (Not pictured: The entire village I’m sure this person brings with them, the years of travel experience, the meltdown I’m imagining took place 0.5 seconds later.)
Influencer culture aside, I wanted first to talk through getting started with bigger trips. The first few months postpartum were b r u t a l for me and maybe for you, too. The last thing I wanted to do was leave the house, let alone pack up our stuff in a car or take a flight. So the first piece of advice is to release any pressure you might be feeling to go anywhere, at least at the beginning. (If you’re currently in the trenches with a baby, you’re doing great!! And I promise you, it gets WAY better!!)
Enter: Scaffolding.
Start small.
Scaffolding is a Montessori term that basically means you stack skills on top of one another until you reach your goal. You can’t learn how to do a cartwheel without knowing how to walk. You can’t learn how to read without first learning your ABCs. As parents we often think about teaching our children things, but you’re also learning how to be a parent! And traveling is a skill like anything else. I remember a time when I used to walk dazed through an airport like a little lost puppy. It took many trips (and several semesters of study abroad) before I became confident traveling solo, especially in a language I didn’t know.
Traveling with a baby or toddler is like traveling to a country where you do not speak the language. It just adds another layer of “this is hard.”
…which is why we didn’t go anywhere until my now-toddler was around three months old. And even then it looked like this:
- 30 min drive to my parents to stay overnight
- 1.5 hour drive to grandparents for an overnight
- 2 hour drive to in-laws for 2 days
- 3 hour drive to grandparents for 3 days
- 2 hour drive staying in a condo for 5 days
When we plan trips, we use a tip from Emily Oster—when deciding if you want to do something, use your current state to determine if you’re up for it. So even though in six months your kid will be a completely different kid, only plan a trip if you feel like you could do it now.
We waited until after our first flight (in which I had a major meltdown, but my son a delight to all onboard) to book our second flight. We’re still wary of any flights longer than four or five hours, mainly for our own sanity. We’ll get there someday!
Preparing for a trip is an everyday activity.
I am the type of person that always has a Big Trip planned…and while “Big Trip” used to mean international flight with several time zone changes and once-in-a-lifetime check-every-bucket list type trips, now, it looks a little different.
Either way, with a baby or a toddler, being “ready” to travel means practicing all the time—with my favorite part of having a kid, The Outing.
Toddler Outings for us fall into four major categories:
- Farms/Gardens: Our favorite farms have a playground and some sort of picking experience. And donuts, obviously.
- Trails/Parks: When my toddler was a baby, I’d just strap them in and loop around. Now he runs and runs and runs until it’s naptime.
- Beaches/Pools: When in doubt, add water. It’s always a good time. It’s the best advice I ever read before having a baby, from Cup of Jo: “My favorite parenting advice is, ‘If they are crabby, add water.’ This has served me well over the years and believe it or not, with a 14, 10 and 8-year-old, I still use it. Run a bath, take a shower, water the garden, wash the dog, have a hot drink, have a cold drink… just add water. It works 99% of the time.”
- Libraries/Playgrounds: We often combine these because one of our favorite libraries has a playground out back. (We love great town planning!) We didn’t do playgrounds until my son was a confident walker (1.5), and even then didn’t do them much until he could really run and play (2ish).
Baby Outings were much more chill and generally involved a cafe/brewery/restaurant and a friend, or a long walk in the stroller or in the carrier. Basically, if it’s somewhere you want to go, go with the baby.
Part of what makes any trip successful is working with your kid and what they like to do AND what you like to do. You can see I’m a big outdoor person from this list. I tend to avoid children’s museums/indoor playspaces at the moment because it’s just Too Much for both of us and spending big $$ only to run around for twenty minutes and throw a tantrum in public is too much for me. I think of those places as really built for the 5+ set.
You’ll also notice stores are NOT on this list. Obviously I have to do errands like everyone else, and we do sometimes successfully go grocery shopping, but other than that, every time we’ve tried to go shopping anywhere since becoming a toddler it’s been a disaster. (The major exception to this is Lowe’s because of their Halloween/Christmas decorations — if you have a toddler don’t sleep on this as an outing! Every mom friend I’ve mentioned it to has been like, “Where have you been? We were there yesterday!” so there you have it.)
Why are we talking about outings? Because every time you leave the house is basically a mini-trip when you have a kid with you. Besides the sheer volume of stuff, it’s also a chance to figure out what works and what doesn’t. How long can you go before it’s too much? Do you need to find places 30 minutes or more away from you so they get a nap in the car? What do *you* love doing and can you bring them along? Figuring this out is key to being able to plan a smooth trip later.
Thanks for being here.
You and your kid(s) need practice being out and about. Interacting with other adults and kids, what is appropriate and what’s not, what gear you need or don’t, when to eat/nap/leave. You do not want to learn that if you miss a snack at 10 AM you have a monster on your hands after spending thousands of dollars to fly to another country.
All this to say, start slow, and go one outing at a time, and soon you’ll have a little one that’s living their best Vacation Life soon enough.
To practice makes perfect,
Kayla
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This post was originally published on Travel with Toddlers. Subscribe for more real-talk travel advice, toddler-friendly itineraries, and tried-and-true gear recommendations.
