Weddings are one of the primary reasons people travel, or at least in my age bracket (late ‘20s-early ‘30s.) According to wedding website The Knot, 18% of couples hosted a destination wedding in 2024, which is defined as choosing a location that neither of them currently live in or are from. My partner and I chose a destination wedding because most of the family had to travel to get to New England, anyway, so why not pick a super picturesque place?
Twist my arm, here’s me on my big day at Trapp Family Lodge in Stow, VT. Photography by Daria Bishop.
Even when it’s not a technically destination wedding, there’s still usually a hotel to book, a plane to catch, and a garment bag to pack. This is the phase of life where we ask friends to hang out and they say something wild like, “Well, we have seven weddings this year plus ours…”
Honestly, I love weddings. This mama rarely gets a night out and let me tell you, there is nothing better than Bad Bunny at 10:55 PM, hopped up on cake and your favorite people in love. But there’s a little bit of a complicating factor when you’ve got a little one.
For a recent family wedding, after our babysitter fell through we decided to just go for it and take our toddler (with the blessing of the bride, obviously) and, um, I have some thoughts. Mostly: Try to get a babysitter. But if you don’t want to or can’t, read on—
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Double check with the bride and groom if they’re even invited.
The default today is that kids are NOT invited to a wedding. I mean, 80% of couples getting married in 2024 opted for kid-free weddings, according to registry website Zola.
Personally, I love a cute flower girl or baby tuxedo moment and had a kid’s table with crayons and chicken fingers at our wedding. But it’s up to the bride and groom and you’re not allowed to judge if they want to keep their wedding kid-free. Sometimes it’s the vibe—our wedding was semi-formal, outside, barefoot affair and I wanted kids running around because I wanted it to feel like a family party. This was many years ago, though, and I definitely think weddings today lean much classier and aren’t really kid-friendly spaces. You may not want to bring them, anyway, because having a date night together is vital as parents.
If it’s not clear from the invitation, reach out to them personally right away as it dramatically impacts your plans.
If your toddler is coming: What to expect
This was a close family wedding so I knew my toddler would already know almost everyone there on our side. All the aunties were in attendance, thank goodness! My partner and I have a rule that whenever we’re visiting the other person’s family, the in-law takes point on the toddler. I was a bridesmaid so my partner was on duty for the night, just in a suit. (Thank you!!)
Here’s what they planned that helped make the day go smoothly:
- Plan a day that has lots of wiggles allowed. While I was busy getting glam they went to a trampoline park, which helped get allllll the wiggles out and set us up for an actual nap in the afternoon.
- Prepare for the ceremony (and make an exit plan.) I think the ceremony depends on your toddler and how well they sit still. But kids get it, they can feel the energy in a room and they, too, were part of the awed hush during the (mercifully quick) ceremony. We also prepped them extensively for this part, doing a full pretend wedding, watching the Bluey episode where the kids make the Dads-as-horses get married, looking at our wedding photos, and talking through every moment of what to expect, which I think helped.
- Instead of trying to wait for dinner, make them a snack plate off of the happy hour appetizers. I made a big veggie plate with shrimp and cheese and crackers which suited them just fine for dinner, and then gave them coloring and magna tiles while we were sitting during speeches and whatnot. (My partner did have to take them out to do a walkaround during dinner, and they also wandered over and sat with several aunties at different points.)
- Tag-team bedtime which admittedly is not ideal, but luckily we were staying at the same property as the wedding, so it was easy to bail.
Huge s/o to my partner for taking one for the team and putting little friend to bed early—we pushed as long as we possibly could with the help of some sensory headphones against the noise of the DJ, but they were falling asleep in my arms by 8 PM. I got to enjoy the dance floor and then I took point during breakfast the next morning so my partner had a chance to mingle and chat with everyone.
If they’re in the wedding: How to prepare them
If your little one is going to be a ring bearer or a flower girl, OMG HOW CUTE. The rehearsal is the key moment to literally practice this, in addition to doing a pretend wedding at home beforehand.
Honestly, though, you need to prepare the bride and groom more than the kid. Because the kid’s gonna be a kid. Is the bride okay with one of you holding their hand the whole time? I think many brides (myself included, back in the day) don’t understand what they’re asking of a toddler, so you’ll need to explain that it…might not go the way they are envisioning.
My own flower girl (who is in middle school now, I’m not okay) had a huge meltdown seconds before it was time for her moment. Her mom held her hand down the aisle and she had a big smile on her face the whole time. Ah, the mercurial toddler!
If they’re not invited: Two options
Option 1: You can still make a trip out of it. Hire a sitter. Depending on the destination you can find one through the hotel or resort, drop them off at a kid’s club, or bring a babysitter or family member with you. It’s generally frowned upon to leave them upstairs in the room alone, so if you don’t have any other options…
Option 2: It’s okay to leave them at home with a trusted caregiver! One of the best weekends of the year last year was my friend’s colorful, beach-y, absolutely joyful Jersey Shore wedding and I’m so grateful my parents watched our toddler so we could celebrate all together. Was so life-affirming to dance with abandon with my college friends like we used to. (Soundtrack: 2012 Rihanna bangers only.)
To answer the question: Get the babysitter.
Was it a 2018 wedding without cupcakes and mason jars? Photography by Daria Bishop
Yes: Everyone who told us to get a sitter was right.
But: Like any travel with a toddler, watching the awe and joy on their face as our people said their “I do’s” felt rewarding all on its own. I knew, vaguely, that having a kid would bring me joy and satisfaction and fulfillment, but I didn’t understand how much of that joy involves watching them experience something for the first time. When the bride appears and a hush falls over the crowd, forget about looking at the groom—find the ring bearer or flower girl and watch the awe on their face.
When I asked my toddler their favorite part of the wedding, though, they said the cake. Priorities.
Here comes the bride,
Kayla
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