At a birthday party last week, one of the moms excitedly (and nervously) told me she had planned a trip…without her toddler. Oh, the Mom Guilt!
But here’s the thing: Even though her husband traveled fairly often for work, leaving her to solo parent for entire weeks at a time, she had never done the same.
It’s not the same brand of Mom Guilt you feel when you drop your kid off and hope they have a good day at daycare or preschool. No, this is a special kind of guilt that makes you feel like how dare you? And giddy at the same time. FREEDOM! But what if they need me?? BUT FREEDOM!!!
Smiling on the outside, wondering if I remembered to tell the babysitter about xyz on the inside.
I’m a firm believer in regular date nights, and while the opportunities are few and far between to realistically make them happen, an overnight away has been huge for me. It’s good for me AND it’s good for them to get a moment where we’re apart.
You deserve a break.
Obviously, this requires a trusted babysitter to make it happen. I know that’s not available for everyone. Right now, in the vein of experiences > things, I prioritize babysitting budget more than anything else for myself. I may not have bought an item of clothing in the last year, but you better believe I’ve hired a sitter!
What makes me feel better about all of this is: I remember getting dropped off at my grandparents’ house for a few days a time. I know that’s not always an option for everyone, but the best way I can dispel my own ~baggage~ around this whole thing is remembering those special vacations and all the fun we would have without my parents around. (You know, ice cream at odd hours, tiny wrapped chocolates in a glass bowl, watching old Bond flicks way past bedtime. The good stuff.)
This is the spot in the essay I need to make sure you all know I LOVE MY TODDLER SO MUCH. I actually love this age and all the fun we get to have. But reader, you already know what I’m going to say: I’m tired. I miss adventuring past naptime. I miss sleeping past 7:30 AM. I miss adventuring, period. The overnight away is a magical reset and I highly recommend it. (And to be fair, so far I’ve only done it twice their entire life.)
Do something you can’t possibly do with a toddler.
For our first overnight away, I wanted a place where you can do Anything at Anytime. So: New York City. I’m a country gal and I’ve only been a few times, so it may seem silly to some of you that I was so excited to visit, but I wanted to do allll the touristy things. It was our anniversary, so we cashed out on points and stayed at the St. Regis on 55th, right next to Central Park.
Tea service in our sitting room at the St. Regis. Felt like a princess!!
That’s the kind of ~fancy~ I’d never want to chance with a toddler. Our room had a sitting room and TWO bathrooms. I’ve had the privilege to travel a lot, with plenty of luxurious (often comped) stays, but I ran from bathroom to sitting room to giant four-poster bed and around again like I had just discovered I was Princess of Genovia and this palace was all mine.
On our list of things to do you can’t do easily with a toddler:
- Spend hours at the MoMa visiting some favorite pieces: Van Gogh, Picasso, Matisse, Mondrian, Dali. (I was in HEAVEN.)
- Wander aimlessly in and out of stores I didn’t know existed in retail form, like Hill House’s Rockefeller Center boutique
- Eat an incredible steak dinner at a real, old-leather steakhouse where children are absolutely not allowed, we did Keen’s
- Statue-hunting in Central Park holding hands like in a 2000s rom-com
- Waiting in line for rainbow bagels, the perfect slice of pizza, and other touristy foods that would have caused a toddler meltdown
- Actually carrying on complete conversations that didn’t have to do with who was in charge of pickup or what clothes we needed to order or who would cook dinner
We couldn’t get tickets to a Broadway show but that was the only other thing I truly wanted to do. Either way, I floated all the way home, happy and refreshed like, I should really do this more often. And the best news of all? My toddler spent days talking about all the fun they had with their grandparents.
Facilitating core memories *and* time to myself? I’ll take it.
Thanks for being here.
A perfect date.
Walking around New York City felt so weird. I wanted to shout at strangers like, “I have a toddler at home!” It took almost the entire trip for me to relax into it. I wouldn’t go back to before having kids for anything, yet here I was playacting at it. That mom guilt is so, so, real, and even if I’m aware of it, it’s still hard to shake. (Especially when I know my toddler is having so much fun without me!)
I just came back from my second childfree overnight ever—one of my best friends from college got married in the most joyful and colorful celebration on the Jersey Shore—and still, it felt alien to leave my toddler behind. I’m more the kind of parent that would rather bundle them along for the ride, or just pick a destination we can all enjoy. I will say though, I did not know how to handle a beach day where (gasp!) I ACTUALLY GOT TO LIE DOWN. I didn’t know it could happen!
Here’s to the village we build that makes this all possible,
Kayla
This post was originally published on Travel with Toddlers. Subscribe for more real-talk travel advice, toddler-friendly itineraries, and tried-and-true gear recommendations.
If you liked this post, please consider supporting my work. I’m just a mom in the thick of the toddler years trying to create core memories for our whole family while minimizing meltdowns—I sincerely hope this helps you do the same.
This post was originally published on Travel with Toddlers. Subscribe for more real-talk travel advice, toddler-friendly itineraries, and tried-and-true gear recommendations.
