First, on the title: Ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
There is no foolproof method, six-step guide, buy my course and you’ll be tantrum free, you got this mama! situation to prevent every toddler meltdown that comes your way. Thinking that this is possible is such an adult thing to do. Toddlers FEEL things. Those feelings have nowhere to go in their little bodies—and in the same way that a long travel day can make you feel off—when you don’t get enough sleep, eat weird airport food, are trapped in a vehicle hurtling toward your destination—the same thing applies to your toddler.
I want you to know: Toddler tantrums are totally normal, and should be expected for 2s and 3s especially. For me, the question is always, would I rather manage a tantrum staring at the same four walls, or would I rather be somewhere wonderful?
I’m the type of person that chooses that latter. Tantrums are going to happen, because toddlers are toddlers. HOWEVER, I do think there are ways you can play defense against little toddler-isms that can help prevent some meltdowns before they happen.
I’m not talking about the kind of defense where you’re bending over backwards to cater to their every whim—like, if your kid is gonna throw a tantrum because the “banana was peeled wrong,” then yeah, that’s tough. But nothing you can do in that situation is going to peel the banana correctly, do you know what I mean? It’s not your fault. It’s just what toddlers are.
Post-meltdown because we didn’t want to put on our rain gear. It was pouring, we had a great time once we got through that moment. Sometimes it’s just a LOT.
All this to say, YMMV on all of these tips, but I hope they can help make a trip go more smoothly in the future for you!
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Plan for downtime, not just fun.
The biggest psychological change between pre-kid travel and post-kid travel is planning downtime first, fun second. Before I would cram every possible tourist attraction and/or experience into a single day in a new place. Now, I am not only actively choosing trips that prioritize rest and relaxation (hellooooo all inclusives) but also thinking more deeply about the rhythm of the day which makes sure all of us are well rested (because let’s be real, my toddler is not the only one who melts down.)
“Downtime” doesn’t have to mean naptime properly, but including activities that give each person energy in some way. I get overwhelmed by crowds easily, for example, so if we do something super crowded one day (like a big tourist attraction, ie The Vatican, the Eiffel Tower, etc) then I want to make sure there’s a “rest” day in there that’s maybe more of a curated experience, a tour, a hike, to balance it out. Or doing a matinee of a movie or show in the afternoon to get out of the heat. Even in a “resting” vacation on the beach, I still plan downtime mid-afternoon away from the primary activity.
Within each day, too, we obviously have naps to work around, but resist the urge to make each nap a “go” nap for you. I used to plan outings where morning nap would be a “go” nap—I’d hike or visit a museum or be on a farm or whatever—and then afternoon nap was for both of us to relax. I do the same on vacation, though we’re down to one nap now which is much easier.
Prepare your toddler ahead of your trip so they know what to expect
There will never be a surprise trip in our family, and that’s okay with me. I think through each element of the trip and make sure we’re prepping in some way:
- Pretend play prompts, like “Let’s pretend we’re at the airport!” to go over security, bag drop, etc.
- Watching shows, walkthroughs, or movies about something niche so they can understand—for example, we watched a ride-through of Haunted Mansion before going to Magic Kingdom to double check it wouldn’t be too scary (it wasn’t, shockingly!)
- Reading! Books about airplanes, books about long car rides, books about the beach, books are always the answer for me.
- Try out any new gear, like if you bought a new travel stroller or something like that, for you and for them so you feel comfortable setting it up.
- Family meeting where we go over the itinerary, make age-appropriate choices about activities, and talk about what we need to bring. This is suuuuper simple, like: “Hey, it’s going to be really sunny where we’re going! Hmm, what do we need if it’s sunny?” “A HAT!”
- Then, I try to have them join me packing, even if they’re just bopping around while I’m doing most of the work, so we can talk about what we’re going to do on our trip.
All of this builds excitement, but also makes it easier when you do get into the moment. This is something they can expect.
Choose where to push the schedule.
On our cruise, I felt so much FOMO for not attending the Broadway-style shows with my toddler. They would have loved them, but they started at 8:15 PM, and little friend was passed out by then. I have learned that we can fudge bedtime maybe, MAYBE 30 minutes. After that it’s just a total disaster, and I hate ending the day that way. But that’s just us, and you might be fine doing that.
The way I see it, you can push one thing around from a normal routine. Maybe it’s a later naptime/skipping naptime, maybe it’s staying up late, maybe it’s doing a stroller nap instead of a proper nap, whatever it is, no more than one thing per day for us. Or, if you can’t avoid it (like you’re in the airport during naptime, and it’s just not happening) just keep your expectations real. You’d be cranky too if you missed a mealtime!1
Establish a travel routine.
There is a theme to this advice which is: Toddlers thrive on routines and rhythms. Even if you’re off schedule, establishing a travel routine can be super helpful. I mean this in two ways:
- Ritualize your travel days so they’re always the same, or similar, even if you end in a different place. My mom used to always pack certain snacks we’d only get when we traveled, for example. I still get chex mix every time I fly.
- Depending on where you’re going, design your itinerary so there’s a rhythm to it. When we went to St. Maarten, we made each day the same: Breakfast – beach – lunch – nap – pool – dinner. It was delightful and my toddler always knew what to expect. This sounds wildly Type A to say, but it really worked to help us all unwind because there was no “should we do this? should we do that?” each day.
Pick your battles.
Vacation is not the same as at home. I’m not saying to throw every rule at the window, but similar to a travel routine, we have travel “rules.” My favorite: You’re always allowed to jump on a hotel bed.
The point is, pick and choose what boundaries you’re going to hold ahead of time. Does it kill you inside a little bit for your kid to eat chicken fingers in a city known for its food? Yeah. But fed is so much better than meltdown. And maybe they’ll try a little of what you’re eating, maybe not. I spend a lot of our energy holding safety and politeness boundaries2 when we travel that sometimes I just have to let the others go a little bit.
Snacks. All the snacks.
If there’s one piece of advice other parents share again and again when I interview them about travel tips, it’s snacks! Bring them! Bring more than you think you need! I make up a baggie full of snacks for each person on the trip that they’re in charge of. (I think that’s what my toddler’s entire backpack is made up of…snacks and a stuffie.)
The answer is always snacks.
Thanks for being here.
Immediately following a meltdown because the hiking pack was not to their liking. All was well a few minutes later!
You have to laugh, sometimes, when you’re in a beautiful place and your toddler is face down in the dirt. Meltdowns are just gonna happen, whether you’re at home because they got the green cup instead of the purple one or you’re surrounded by stunning scenery in the White Mountains because it’s been five minutes too many in the carrier.
In the moment, fielding judgmental stares from passerby and trying to stay calm and regulated yourself is no small feat. Most of the time, though, meltdowns move through like sudden summer thunderstorms: Intense, but over quickly. Sometimes, it means you have to pull the plug on whatever it is you’re doing so you can move them somewhere safe to let their feelings out. Sometimes it’s just hard, and there’s nowhere to go, and that’s okay, too. We’ve all been there. It’s still worth it.
In solidarity,
Kayla
If you liked this post, please consider supporting my work. I’m just a mom in the thick of the toddler years trying to create core memories for our whole family while minimizing meltdowns—I sincerely hope this helps you do the same.
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